Chapter 12: Spirit and Resolve

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The moment Lu Xuanhe returned to the Lu residence, he sat quietly in his study for a while. Whenever his thoughts became tangled, he preferred solitude; only with a calm mind could he make rational decisions.

His aunt and uncle had passed away; his parents harbored no fondness for his aunt, let alone her children. Now that there were strange matters within the Lin family, his cousin’s only reliable close relative was him.

Since he had already uncovered suspicious clues, Lu Xuanhe was determined to get to the bottom of his cousin’s affairs.

Beyond blood ties, it was also to repay his aunt. Years ago, when she returned home for a visit, she saved him after he slipped and fell into the water. Because of the frigid winter water, she lost her first child.

Ever since, Lu Xuanhe avoided the water’s edge—not out of fear, but guilt. It was only after joining the Dali Temple and taking up official duties that he gradually overcame this habit.

When his aunt died in Yangcheng, Lu Xuanhe was still a child, powerless to influence the situation. Now, his cousin was his aunt’s only bloodline. His eyes shimmered slightly; if his cousin were in danger, he would risk his life to save her.

Two quarters of an hour were enough for Lu Xuanhe to reach a resolution. He summoned his servant and instructed, “I need you to find two people: first, the midwife who delivered my aunt’s child all those years ago; second, anyone who was by my aunt’s side when she died. Many were dispersed during the chaos of war—find out if any survived and bring them to me.”

Since there might be a hidden scheme within the Lin family, he decided not to investigate them directly for now, so as not to alert any suspects. Finding the midwife and his aunt’s companions was key—if any remembered the features of his cousin as a baby, they could confirm whether the infant had been switched.

After issuing these orders, Lu Xuanhe noticed the sky had turned overcast. He picked up a handy sword and headed to the courtyard, intending to practice the sword routine he had missed earlier that day.

Unexpectedly, just as he began with two downward strikes, a servant rushed in breathlessly: “Sir, someone from the Dali Temple has arrived with news about Lord Pei’s case…”

Before the servant finished, Lu Xuanhe sheathed his sword and rushed off towards the Dali Temple.

***

Ningyuan Marquis Residence.

Finding a reliable channel to learn news about Lord Pei’s case only brought Lin Yun a brief moment of happiness before a bold idea struck her.

Although she chose the safest path to deliver the letter, the distance between knowing the news and handing it to the right person was immense. Since she could reincarnate upon death, she might as well be more reckless.

For example, she could try delivering the letter to multiple people. While delivering it incorrectly would surely mean death, success was not guaranteed either—but trying several times could eventually uncover the correct recipient.

It was like facing a difficult problem: normally, one would carefully think it through, but sometimes brute-force trial and error was necessary.

The difference was that while brute force in solving problems only wasted time, brute-forcing letter delivery in the Great Zhou meant risking one’s life.

Despite this, Lin Yun was eager to try. She was not a policeman—having spent her previous life deep in academia—and doubted she could navigate the cunning political landscape of Great Zhou’s officials.

Suddenly, she stood up, ready to rush out of the Marquis residence with the letter. She considered starting from the highest-ranking official, Chancellor Fan Guang, to deliver the letter.

Her heart burned with eagerness, but just then, a hand gently rested on her shoulder. Turning around, she saw Aunt Yuan say, “Second Miss, stop dazing. It’s time for needlework. Your embroidery is terribly poor; you don’t even have a basic pattern. You must practice.”

Her racing passion was instantly cooled by Aunt Yuan’s stern reminder, bringing her back to reality.

Lin Yun could not guarantee how many more times she could reincarnate. With so many high-ranking officials in the imperial city and constant factional struggles, if she were killed before finding the correct answer, she would waste many lives and leave her original self’s wish unfulfilled.

Moreover, the Empress Dowager had not appeared during her previous seven reincarnations. How could she be sure this world remained unchanged, waiting for her to act at will?

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If the Empress Dowager failed to appear next time, Lin Yun would have to face the Li family again, barely able to leave the Ningyuan Marquis residence, let alone deliver the letter.

Holding an embroidery needle, Lin Yun stabbed it haphazardly into a pale green silk handkerchief. Aunt Yuan’s frown deepened.

Though Lin Yun’s stitching had been crude in recent days, at least her attitude had been earnest. Now, it was obvious she was not focused. Aunt Yuan was about to reprimand her when she noticed tears forming in Lin Yun’s eyes.

Her expression softened. The Second Miss was still a young girl; she had been obedient before, but today, she must be feeling unwell.

“If you don’t want to stitch, rest a while. You must be tired from receiving guests. Ruoyi and the others, you may go out with me and let the Second Miss have some quiet time alone.”

Though she had only known Lin Yun for a few days, Aunt Yuan saw that she was extremely reserved—always straightforward, unlike girls her age who sought attention and confided their worries.

Rather than comforting Lin Yun, Aunt Yuan thought it best to leave her alone for a while.

The door creaked shut. Lin Yun jabbed a few more stitches carelessly before pricking her index finger, drawing a drop of blood. She pushed the needle into the handkerchief and tossed the embroidery frame aside.

It was just a small prick, only a little pain that would fade with time.

Yet Lin Yun felt deflated as if her balloon had suddenly burst.

Tears overflowed and ran down her cheeks. She was deeply saddened to realize that, without noticing, her spirit was gradually being worn away in Great Zhou.

When she first woke on that narrow bed, she had ambition to achieve great things here. She knew farming, confident she could elevate agricultural standards in Great Zhou. She was willing to spend years, even decades, to do so.

She saw herself as a savior, ready to make her mark on this unfamiliar land.

It was naïve and foolish, but she had spirit.

Yet that spirit was extinguished, crushed by repeated deaths. The immature girl who dreamed of saving the world had no chance to fulfill her aspirations before being knocked down.

She had been exhausted by constant crises. Even when she thought about making farming tools yesterday, it was merely a pastime, something to do only if time allowed after other matters.

Earlier, she had wanted to brute-force the letter delivery, using her life to test and err, as if she no longer regarded herself as human but merely as a tool to achieve her goal.

Her tears flowed heavier, her fingers clenched white at the joints, and she sobbed quietly.

She learned etiquette, embroidery, and the workings of Great Zhou’s court—all to survive here. She dove into the role of “Second Miss Lin,” but gradually forgot who Lin Yun truly was.

Who was Lin Yun?

She was not good at scheming, unable to guess others’ thoughts or read expressions. When she spoke in indirect ways, she had usually thought for a long time and was nervous when speaking.

The “Second Miss Lin” relied on the Empress Dowager’s protection, on Lu Xuanhe’s information, and on family connections and the favor of elders. A person who lives by relying on others must be cautious, tactful, and careful to please.

Within the confines of “Second Miss Lin,” Lin Yun lived cautiously, like a child about to make a mistake and get punished. She abandoned parts of herself step by step, pretending not to feel pain, just to cling to that small sense of security under protection.

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But is entrusting her safety entirely to others a lasting solution?

If the Empress Dowager and her faction turned against her, would she just wait to die again? Or would she desperately seek another patron and another source of information?

The original letter must be delivered, but should she remain holed up in the Ningyuan Marquis residence, trembling at every sign of trouble outside, painstakingly trying to glean one or two clues?

Lin Yun felt this could not be. Though it sounded sentimental, a person’s life is not just about survival but also spirit. To keep a modern soul alive in Great Zhou, she had to regain her spirit and find her value.

She should not be a forever passive, forever waiting “Second Miss Lin.” She needed to seize the initiative—but how?

Even if she could reincarnate, even with support, it seemed she could do nothing right in Great Zhou.

Wiping her face, she smudged the tears onto the messy handkerchief.

She was not useless. She knew farming. She was a modern agricultural science doctorate with solid academic and practical skills. The precious knowledge in her mind was enough to transform agriculture in this era.

That was her confidence, her foundation.

***

Lin Yun, red-eyed, left her room. It was lunchtime, and today’s meal was more sumptuous than usual, including a bowl filled with icy cream. Despite Shi Er’s and Aunt Yuan’s insistence that winter was no time for such treats, it still appeared on the table—probably to console her.

She ate silently, then devoured the icy cream. When the bowl was empty, she looked up at Aunt Yuan.

“Nanny, from today on, I have important things to attend to. I will only spend one hour a day learning etiquette with you. During that hour, I will focus completely and not slack off. Please condense the lessons to the essentials and teach me the most important parts first.”

Aunt Yuan glanced at Lin Yun’s expression and knew this was an order, not a request. Though Lin Yun was usually easygoing, now she was firm and unyielding.

“I have already prepared one hour’s worth of lessons, making them more efficient. Since you are serious, progress won’t be much slower.”

Lin Yun nodded and called everyone in the courtyard together.

She announced, “My mother and grandmother live in the manor’s estate. I am alone here at the Ningyuan Marquis residence and miss them terribly. Anyone willing to accompany me tomorrow may come; those who don’t can stay and watch over Xiying Pavilion.”

The sudden news stunned everyone into silence. Ruoyi thought, looking at the young lady’s expressionless face, there was no sign of missing her family.

But Aunt Yuan smiled. “Miss’s filial piety is commendable. She cried just now from missing her mother and grandmother. I will speak to the steward to bring a few extra servants to protect us on the trip to the estate.”

Lin Yun smiled faintly. Aunt Yuan was truly clever and wise.

See, she did not need to exhaust herself with matters she was unskilled at within the inner residence. As long as she was strong enough, wise people around her would find reasons and solutions.

But now, she borrowed the Empress Dowager’s power. In the future, she would have to rely more on herself.