Chapter 6: Shouting and Scolding — When the Enemy Retreats, I Advance; When the Enemy Advances, I Retreat

The “Golden Secretion” strategy, though repulsive, was remarkably effective.

Within the Northern Di camp, anguished cries echoed everywhere. Wounded soldiers’ wounds festered, fevers raged unrelenting, and the entire encampment was suffused with a stench of despair and the oppressive atmosphere of a plague.

Inside the commander’s tent, a towering, burly man with a face full of bristling beard furiously kicked over the table before him.

“Worthless!” roared Tuoba Hong, the Northern Di general, his eyes bloodshot and wild like a mad bear.

“One hundred thousand troops, yet blocked by a bunch of weaklings wielding nothing but filth and urine! What a humiliating disgrace!”

A deputy general cautiously stepped forward.

“Commander, the Zhou people’s tactics are too insidious. Our soldiers… morale is shattered; they dare not approach the city walls any longer.”

Tuoba Hong’s chest heaved violently. He knew a direct assault was futile.

He let out a sinister laugh, his eyes flashing with malevolence.

“If we can’t take the city by force, then we’ll curse them to death!”

“Give the order! All soldiers who can speak Chinese—go to the city walls and hurl curses! Make sure they’re varied and relentless! Insult their ancestors for eighteen generations!”

“I want to see just how thick-skinned these so-called people of etiquette truly are!”

Soon, beneath the Yanmen Pass, a dense mass of Northern Di soldiers had gathered. They did not attack; instead, they raised their voices, shouting crude insults in broken Chinese.

“Cowardly turtles in the city! Come out and die!”

“All men of Great Zhou are soft!”

“When we break through, we’ll seize all your women!”

On the city walls, Zhao Zhao and Ma Zhong listened, their faces ashen with fury.

This was nothing short of rubbing Great Zhou’s honor in the dirt.

But Zhao Yi, leaning casually against the battlement, even reached up to scratch his ear, boredom etched faintly across his face.

“Is that all?”

He turned to Li Jin and Li Yin.

“Bring over the largest copper pots from the kitchen and turn them upside down with holes so they can serve as loudspeakers.”

Then, he grinned broadly at the group of soldiers brimming with suppressed anger behind him.

“Brothers, how do you usually curse in the camp? Don’t hold back. Tonight, I’m giving you a chance to speak your minds freely.”

“Whoever curses the best, the filthiest, and cracks those bastards’ defenses will earn ten taels of silver!”

The soldiers’ eyes lit up at the reward.

Soon, several makeshift “megaphones” were set up.

Zhao Yi cleared his throat, channeled his energy deep within, and let out a deafening first shout through the copper pot.

“Listen up, sons of bitches on the other side! nmlgb!”

“Look at your pathetic sorry asses! You’re neither human nor ghost, each one looks like a pile of shit! If we don’t sweep you away, we wouldn’t even know what you are!”

Silence blanketed the camp below.

The Northern Di soldiers were stunned beyond comprehension.

Zhao Yi didn’t give them time to think; his lips moved rapidly, words flowing faster and faster.

“And you, your so-called general Tuoba Hong! Did you get shit smeared on your brain yesterday? Are you out of your mind today? With a shrunken cerebellum and underdeveloped brain, do you have to hold onto the wall just to walk?”

“I’m telling you, your father should have nailed you to the wall! When your mother gave birth to you, did she throw the child away and nurture the placenta instead?”

“A bunch of placenta-fed bastards, yet you dare bark in front of me? Go home and drink your milk! Too late, someone’s already stolen it all!”

This rapid-fire barrage was fluid and logical, laced with the venomous wit of modern internet culture.

Not only were the Northern Di baffled; even Zhao Zhao, Ma Zhong, and the others on the wall were dumbfounded.

Could insults really be delivered like this?

This was outrageously cultured!

Tuoba Hong, who had been folding his arms and sneering from the rear of the formation, found his smile frozen as he listened.

When he heard the line about “nurturing the placenta,” a surge of boiling rage shot straight to his head.

“Pft—”

He spat a mouthful of old blood more than three feet away.

Pointing shakily toward the city walls, his whole body trembled with fury. He couldn’t utter a word, his vision darkened, and he toppled straight backward.

“Commander! Commander!”

Chaos erupted instantly within the Northern Di ranks.

...

Nightfall.

Inside the command post, the atmosphere was strange.

Zhao Zhao and the others regarded Zhao Yi with deep reverence.

This young man was not only fierce in battle but absolutely ruthless with words.

“Father, generals,” Zhao Yi said, pointing at the sand table with a serious expression.

“The cursing was just an appetizer. Tonight, I intend to let them sleep well.”

He drew out the order baton and began issuing commands.

“Li Jin, Li Yin!”

“Yes, young general!”

“Each of you lead five hundred light cavalry. Tonight, do nothing else. Every half hour, go to the outskirts of their main camp and shoot fire arrows, beat war drums—make as much noise as possible! If they come out chasing, you run. If they return to sleep, you do it again!”

“Remember these eight words,” Zhao Yi’s voice echoed in the silent command post.

“When the enemy advances, I retreat; when the enemy retreats, I harass!”

Zhao Zhao sprang to his feet, shock and confusion written across his face.

“What… what kind of tactic is this? Such harassment—surely it’s childish!”

Ma Zhong frowned.

“Young general, while this may exhaust the enemy, it also consumes our forces. I fear…”

“No fears!” Zhao Yi cut them off sharply, his gaze as sharp as a blade.

“What I want is to break their spirit! To make them imagine threats everywhere overnight!”

“I want them to know, beyond Yanmen Pass, closing your eyes means death!”

His tone brooked no argument, filled with a chilling madness.

“Execute the order!”

That night became a nightmare for the Northern Di.

As soon as they closed their eyes, thunderous war drums and the whistle of fire arrows outside the camp pierced the silence.

They hurriedly donned armor and rushed out but saw only the backs of the retreating Zhou cavalry.

Just as they lay down, the drums sounded again.

Over the course of the night, this repeated seven or eight times.

The entire Northern Di camp grew dark around the eyes, spirits withered—they were tormented to the brink of madness.

At the darkest hour, when exhaustion was at its peak,

Zhao Yi’s cold voice rang out once more from the command post.

“Relay my order!”

“Open the city gates!”

“Full army attack!”

Zhao Zhao and the others’ hearts pounded wildly.

Now? After a whole night of harassment, launching the final assault?

Zhao Yi looked at them, a cruel smile curling at the corners of his mouth.

“We strike when the enemy is exhausted!”

“Kill!”

With a tremendous roar,

The tightly shut gates of Yanmen Pass burst open.

The Zhou iron cavalry, already assembled, surged forth like a breaking dam, their pent-up fury unleashed as they charged toward the drowsy, unprepared Northern Di camp.

The slaughter was one-sided.

Countless Northern Di soldiers didn’t even have time to grasp their weapons before their heads were severed in their sleep.

Zhao Yi led the charge, his long blade flashing like lightning, heads rolling wherever he passed.

Caught in the frenzy, he unleashed a deafening roar toward the fleeing enemy.

“Tell Tuoba Hong!”

“I, Zhao Yi!”

“Have come to take his miserable life!”