Chapter 86: Dissociative Disorder

After Dr. Xiao’s treatment, she had improved greatly.

But then Jiang Xiaoxiao returned.

Yao Shulan abandoned her, even hated her to the core.

The double betrayal by Xia Ling and Yan Feng only added to her suffering.

Her depression relapsed, and even transformed into bipolar disorder.

Because of this, she had attempted suicide by slashing her wrists.

It was Dr. Xiao who pulled her back from the brink of collapse.

Yet Jiang Ciyou knew that deep within, her heart was like a buried bomb.

Outwardly, she seemed open and carefree, but every day she fought against these negative emotions.

She had won, and she had lost.

The worst part was that when her illness flared up, her head would ache as if about to split apart.

In truth, she had suffered from headaches since childhood.

Yao Shulan had taken her to many places for treatment.

As a child, she even stayed in the capital for a time, all for the sake of her illness.

Headaches had accompanied her through her youth.

But the episodes were not frequent.

However, since three years ago, when everything exploded in her life, her headaches had grown worse.

When the pain became unbearable, she could only rely on painkillers.

Jiang Ciyou parked her car by the roadside.

With trembling hands, she pulled a small medicine box from the car’s drawer.

It was her usual pain medication.

She hadn’t taken it in a long time.

Since living with Bo Jin Xiu, her sleep had improved.

Her headaches hadn’t occurred again.

Jiang Ciyou opened the little medicine box.

But inside, it was empty.

She had used up the last pill.

Suddenly, Jiang Ciyou became agitated.

She searched every corner of her car.

But she still couldn’t find any.

Her head throbbed as if it might explode.

Her entire mood grew more irritable.

Her gaze fell upon that diary.

The memories of what Xia Ling had done invaded her mind once again.

Like countless insects gnawing at her nerves.

She grew increasingly furious.

Jiang Ciyou suddenly restarted the car.

She drove straight toward an apartment.

Her mind was foggy, her head splitting with pain.

Nevertheless, she managed to drive to the building beneath Lotus Apartment.

Because Jiang Ciyou knew Xia Ling lived there now.

She stumbled out of the car.

Then climbed to the second floor.

Jiang Ciyou propped herself up at the door.

She knocked loudly.

The door quickly opened.

Xia Ling stood in the doorway.

“Ciyou, what are you doing here?”

Xia Ling seemed surprised.

But Jiang Ciyou didn’t waste words.

She reached out her hand and seized Xia Ling’s throat.

Jiang Ciyou’s eyes were bloodshot.

“Xia Ling, why? Why did you hurt me? I treated you so well—why did you destroy everything I had?”

Her fingers tightened.

She had trained in taekwondo, knew how to fight, and her strength was far greater than most.

Xia Ling, gripped by the throat, had no power to resist.

Her face flushed red, unable to utter a word.

She could only claw desperately at Jiang Ciyou’s hand around her neck.

But no matter how she struggled, Jiang Ciyou was immovable, like a mountain.

Her fingers kept applying force.

She was like a demon crawling out of hell.

Her beautiful face, under the harsh white light, appeared almost ferocious.

“Xia Ling, die. Die.”

Her fingers pressed harder.

Blood began to seep from Xia Ling’s lips.

Then from her eyes, nose, and ears.

Blood flowed onto Jiang Ciyou’s hand, but she seemed oblivious.

Her grip did not loosen.

A sharp crack sounded.

She finally broke Xia Ling’s neck.

……

Jiang Ciyou suddenly woke.

“I killed someone. I killed someone.”

She looked around.

She found herself lying on a comfortable sofa.

Jiang Ciyou sat up abruptly.

Staring at her hands, she muttered, “I killed someone. I killed someone.”

The image of killing Xia Ling kept surging into her mind.

Her thoughts were chaotic, her breathing rapid.

A cup of warm milk was handed to her.

A gentle voice sounded nearby.

“You didn’t kill anyone. You just had a hallucination during your episode.”

Jiang Ciyou cupped her face, breathing a sigh of relief. “I thought I really killed her.”

She calmed herself.

Taking the milk from the man’s hand, she asked, “Dr. Xiao, how did I get here?”

Xiao Hechuan replied, “You called me before your episode. I tracked your location. When I arrived, your car was parked by the roadside and you were already semi-conscious.”

Jiang Ciyou couldn’t recall any of this.

She rested for a moment. “I’m out of medication—please prescribe me some more.”

“Alright,” Xiao Hechuan said. “Your illness has been stable for so long. Why did it suddenly relapse? Was it because of this diary?”

When Xiao Hechuan found her, she was clutching the diary tightly.

He handed it to her. “Don’t worry, I haven’t read it.”

Jiang Ciyou didn’t take it. “You can read it. Maybe it will help treat my illness.”

Xiao Hechuan was Jiang Ciyou’s psychologist.

He was the only one who knew everything about her.

Whether it was her past sexual assault, the incidents involving Yan Feng and Xia Ling, or the fact that three years ago she had kept a young lover.

In front of him, she had no secrets.

But after her condition stabilized, they hadn’t been in contact for months.

Xiao Hechuan put away the diary. “Alright, I’ll keep it here for now.”

Jiang Ciyou seemed more alert. “Where’s my phone?”

Xiao Hechuan handed her bag to her.

Jiang Ciyou opened her phone.

It was already four in the morning.

She was surprised. “I slept that long?”

Xiao Hechuan said, “You woke up once in the middle. Your dissociative disorder acted up and you tried to kill me. I gave you a sedative injection.”

Jiang Ciyou suffered not only from depression, but also mild dissociative disorder.

So far, including today, it had only occurred twice.

When it flared up, she would lose herself, lose control over her actions, sometimes even develop another personality, and afterwards she would remember nothing.

The first episode had been the night she slashed her wrists.

In fact, she didn’t remember how she had done it.

Jiang Ciyou hadn’t realized that Xia Ling’s diary would trigger her dissociative disorder.

She didn’t believe her endurance was so weak.

There was only one possibility—her illness had worsened.

Jiang Ciyou lifted her gaze, unconsciously falling upon Xiao Hechuan’s neck.

There was indeed a red mark.

So the hallucination of killing Xia Ling was not purely imaginary.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Xiao.”

Xiao Hechuan adjusted his glasses, smiling gently, as warm and refined as spring sunlight. “There’s no need for such formality between us.”