101 Give me a child

I never brought up the matter of Lan Xin to Li Yexuan again. Since we were not of the same path, I ceased to concern myself with whether she would survive the vipers and beasts of the General’s Mansion.

Li Yexuan had always treated me well, a fact that made the servants envious. The Prince Xuan Mansion was indeed managed with impeccable discipline; the maids and manservants were always cautious, not daring to cast a second glance at Li Yexuan while serving him. I had wondered why he was held in such terror by the staff, until Zier, worn down by my incessant pestering, finally revealed that years ago, Li Yexuan had embarked on a bloody purge that earned him his reputation and frightened every servant in the house.

Overnight, every person in the Prince Xuan Mansion had been replaced, with the sole exception of Steward Wu.

So, he had a history such as that. No wonder the servants were so curious when they saw him treating me with kindness; I had foolishly thought it was because my appearance was too striking and had startled them.

In truth, if one thinks carefully, isn't Li Yexuan a pitiful man himself? Born into the imperial family, he suffered the bitterness of the palace; as a child, he was even sent away as a hostage. I wondered if a man like him viewed that period of his life as a disgrace. Even as a legitimate Prince, he could not escape the succession struggles of the next generation.

And what of me? Born into the royal family, I often thought that if I could live the life of an ordinary person, that would be fine—but I still had my younger brother. It had been over half a year since we were separated, and I had not seen him. Is he well? Has he grown taller? Has he become more sensible?

Recalling what Lan Xin had said about Huangfu Ziyun being a renowned beauty, I suddenly felt a pang of jealousy toward my past self.

When Li Yexuan came to Qingran Pavilion, a child followed behind him, looking to be about seven or eight years old.

"This child is..."

"Fifth Prince Li Zheng pays his respects to Imperial Aunt." The way he addressed me as "Imperial Aunt" was clearly Li Yexuan’s instruction.

He was a clever child, identifying my status at a glance, though his eyes were somewhat puffy. I nodded in acknowledgment.

"Ah Zheng was punished by the Emperor to kneel in the palace, so I brought him out for a while. Why don't you look after him for a few days?"

"Very well."

I walked over to Ah Zheng and held out my hand. He took it.

"Your Highness, please attend to your business. Leaving the child with me will be no problem."

"That is fine. I will come to see you both later."

Li Yexuan left. In his eyes, I was still a child myself. Seeing Ah Zheng reminded me of my brother; when he was that age, he loved to cling to me.

I noticed the child's clothes were dirty—likely from the punishment—so I sent Zier out to buy him some new garments. I knew that searching the entire mansion would yield nothing suitable, and as a Fifth Prince, he could not simply wear rags.

Zier was quick. "Ah Zheng, shall Imperial Aunt help you change your clothes? Look, the cuffs are torn."

"All right."

Ah Zheng was very cooperative. After he changed, I retied his hair; he was truly a handsome little boy. I wondered how many hearts he would capture when he grew up.

"Imperial Aunt..."

"What is it?"

Ah Zheng blushed, his eyes fixed on the pastries on the table. He must have been hungry. I quickly had Zier bring more delicious snacks and goat milk. Watching him eat with such satisfaction, I grew more certain that children of the royal family suffer greatly. I suddenly wondered if Li Yexuan had been the same as a child—punished, wearing dirty clothes, and left hungry—and if anyone had ever helped him back then.

"Imperial Aunt, the pastries here are so delicious."

That sentence stung my heart. Was the Imperial Kitchen of the Yuehua Kingdom really so poor?

"It is because your Sister Zier makes them well."

"May I have some more?"

"Of course, but do not eat until you are stuffed." I ordered Zier to bring him more.

Once full, Ah Zheng sat quietly. I found him to be so different from my brother, who always had his own affairs to attend to. Aside from the lessons set by the Emperor, he was either off chasing crickets with the servants or flying kites with the maids, never forgetting to drag me along. He was never this quiet.

I took Ah Zheng’s hand and led him to the pavilion, where the sunlight was lovely.

"Why were you punished, Ah Zheng?"

"Because... because they called me a bastard, someone born to no one and loved by no one." As he spoke, tears of grievance streamed down his face.

Li Yexuan had once mentioned that among the many princes, the Fifth Prince was the most pitiful. His birth mother had been a palace lady from an official’s family who died in childbirth.

I took out my handkerchief to wipe his tears. "Why cry? Ah Zheng is a man; tears cannot solve problems. What did you do at the time?"

"I... I punched the Fourth Imperial Brother, and then we fought. Father said I struck first, so he punished me by making me kneel for an hour. But the Fourth Imperial Brother was punished for two hours, though he didn't even finish before his mother took him away. His nanny stepped on my foot as she walked by. Look."

Ah Zheng was still young; meeting me, he poured out his grievances and held out his small hand. It was indeed severely swollen. I had Zier fetch a physician, who said no bones were broken and applied some medicine.

"Imperial Aunt, besides my nanny, you are the one who cares for me the most." He lowered his head, looking at his bandaged hand.

"That is because Imperial Aunt knows you have suffered. But Ah Zheng, you must remember: many things in this world are unfair, and life is often frustrating. What you must learn is patience, and how to survive."

He nodded, as if he understood.

"Imperial Aunt, I want to play on a swing."

That stumped me. The Prince Xuan Mansion had no such thing.

"My Lady, shall I have someone build two? It won't take long," Zier said, and I agreed.

"Wait a little longer, Ah Zheng. Why do you want to play on a swing?"

"Because my imperial brothers all have swings to play on, but mine does not. My nanny said it was because she was afraid I would fall."

"And are you afraid of falling?"

"No, Ah Zheng will protect himself."

"Good boy..."

The swing was finished, and most of the day had passed. Li Yexuan’s subordinates were truly efficient; the swing was quite well-made. It wasn't very high and was very safe. It was broad enough that Ah Zheng could even lie down on it.

He lay on the swing, and I sat on the lawn beside him, feeling like a child again. He clamored for a story.

"So, the Monkey King struck the White Bone Demon three times, and after he angered the Tang Monk enough to drive him away..."

"Imperial Aunt, why did the Monkey King have to use his golden cudgel to strike the White Bone Demon..."

"Imperial Aunt, why couldn't the Tang Monk see through the White Bone Demon? Was he dim-sighted..."

"Imperial Aunt, why is Zhu Bajie called 'Pig Eight Precepts'? Is he really that much of a pig..."

"..."

Li Yexuan, your nephew is truly extraordinary. He asked questions that left me utterly defeated and speechless.

Ah Zheng, who had been rowdy just moments ago, began to breathe evenly in his sleep. I ordered someone to bring a blanket to cover him and sent word to Li Yexuan to come here when he was finished; I couldn't carry this handsome little boy myself, and I didn't trust the servants with him.

By the time Li Yexuan arrived, I had fallen asleep on another swing. When I woke up, I was in Li Yexuan’s arms, and he was carrying me toward Qingran Pavilion. I jerked awake, nearly falling.

"You're awake? You two are just like children."

"Put me down, I can walk myself." I was set down on the ground.

"Wait, where is Ah Zheng?"

"I had him taken to bed. He was very happy; he was even talking in his sleep on the way."

"Childish nature. Ah Zheng is a pitiful child."

"The royal family has always been this way."

"Sigh..."

After dinner, Ah Zheng was taken to rest; the Emperor had granted him permission to stay at the Prince Xuan Mansion for a few days. I curled up in the pavilion of Qingran Pavilion to count the stars, even though I was shivering from the cold.

Footsteps sounded, and Zier retreated discreetly.

"Why didn't you put on more clothes?"

Li Yexuan wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, and I leaned back against him.

"Don't I have you?"

"Fanfan, Ah Zheng rarely smiles."

"You care very much for this child."

"Indeed. As it happens, his mother and I had a connection."

I thought to myself that such an excellent prince without concubines must have a past—so he let it slip! But Ah Zheng’s mother must have been much older than us.

"What kind of connection?"

"Back then, when I was still just a prince, I was once taken care of by Ah Zheng’s mother."

"Then how will you thank me for taking care of him all day?"

"How would you like me to thank you? Hmm?"

"Why don't you count how many stars are in the sky for me?"

"..."

"Give me a child."

Li Yexuan’s words echoed in my ear, and for a moment, I was dazed. Could I? What if this child were born of sin? If Li Yexuan were my enemy, I feared I would not even have the courage to stand by his side.

In my trance, I was moved, the red silk curtains fell, and it was another long night.

When I woke the next morning, Ah Zheng was knocking on the door, calling for Imperial Aunt.

"Get up, Ah Zheng is here." I nudged Li Yexuan with my elbow.

"That brat, I shouldn't have brought him back."

"He rarely gets a few days of freedom. Why bicker with a child?"

"Sleep a little longer, I will handle it." Li Yexuan pressed a kiss to my forehead and went out.

Handle it? Was he treating Ah Zheng like an object?

Listening to their voices fade away, I dozed off for a while longer.

The days that Ah Zheng spent here truly brought great vitality to the Prince Xuan Mansion. I felt as if I had returned to my childhood, leading him into trouble everywhere—chasing crickets, flying kites, and wandering the streets aimlessly. Li Yexuan let us run wild, occasionally joining in when he had spare time.

Because Ah Zheng and I got along so well, it gave Li Yexuan an idea. Every night he would say he wanted a child, and then—well, he would do what he did, and I was utterly exhausted.

How wonderful it would have been if life could have continued like that, but things never go as one wishes. A few days later, Ah Zheng was sent back to the palace, clinging to me and nearly shedding tears before he left.

There is always a calm before the storm. And what Li Yexuan and I were waiting for was not a child, but a nightmare.