102 You Have Me

In the days since Li Zheng’s arrival, Li Yexuan’s desire to have a child had only grown stronger, which, in turn, made me increasingly reluctant to get out of bed. By the time I learned that the Yun family was coming to visit, it was already noon.

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror—still fairly delicate, with the dark circles under my eyes somewhat faded—and then went to find Li Yexuan for lunch.

Since returning to court duties, Li Yexuan often busied himself in the study, and I only ventured in when no one else was around. Recalling the night’s intimacy, my cheeks still felt warm, yet I went to see him nonetheless.

Noticing the golden bell on my left hand—one I had been wearing all along—Li Yexuan had remarked on how lovely it looked.

“All set, Madam. With this, even the prince will like you,” Zi’er teased from the side. I quickly stepped out.

Passing through the familiar garden, I gently pushed open the study door.

“Hope I’m not disturbing you,” I said.

When no servants were present, I preferred to speak plainly with Li Yexuan, free from the usual formalities of rank or gender. He said nothing in reply. To me, he was my husband; to him, I was his.

“Why don’t you rest a bit longer?” he murmured.

Li Yexuan knew it was me but did not look up. He didn’t seem to be attending to official matters but rather focused on something else. I approached and peeked over his shoulder.

He was painting.

The canvas depicted a woman in a plain yet immaculate garment, woven from exquisite Shu brocade. A pale blue belt adorned with dangling beads accentuated her figure beautifully. Her body turned slightly, revealing a graceful elegance. Above, a jade hairpin of creamy white hung in her hair, noble yet unpretentious. One hand rested near her hair, the sleeve slipping gently, revealing a golden bell on her wrist.

“Just a bit more time, and it’ll be done,” he said.

“Mm.”

My gaze drifted between Li Yexuan’s profile and the painting.

Soon, he completed the features of the woman portrayed.

Undeniably, it was me.

“Don’t you see me every day? Why paint this?” I asked.

“You should have a portrait, to hang here in the study,” he replied.

“That wouldn’t be proper. Officials come here. It would be better to hang it in Qingran Residence, so you could visit it when you have time.” I worried that if this portrait was discovered here, revealing my identity as Huangfu Ziyun, the entire Xuan Prince’s Mansion might be implicated. At Qingran Residence, I could see it daily, which gave me a certain peace of mind.

“As you wish,” he said.

Li Yexuan set down his brush and spoke again.

For some reason, the corner of the painted woman’s eye seemed not yet dry, a small ink stain trailing down.

He frowned slightly.

“It’s no matter,” he said. “Just a deeper corner of the eye. I like it that way.”

Hearing this, I relaxed, yet a flutter of unease lingered in my heart. From afar, that ink looked like a single tear. Was heaven foretelling something? He had kindly painted this portrait for me; how could I speak so? I smiled and carefully put it away.

“Prince, will the Lanxin family come tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Should I keep my distance, to avoid—”

“It’s no problem. They can call you ‘Imperial Sister-in-Law’ with pride.”

“I’m flattered. It’s almost time; the portrait took long enough. Let’s eat.”

Clutching the painting in one hand, I linked my arm with Li Yexuan’s, unaware this would be our last warm conversation. A nightmare crept closer, and I remained oblivious.

In the afternoon, I changed into a water-blue dress and adorned my hair unusually with two hairpins. Li Yexuan and I wandered aimlessly through the garden when a servant announced the arrival of the Nineteenth Princess.

We settled in the garden as the servants busied themselves with an array of pastries.

“I don’t understand why you want me to keep away from them but still meet with them yourself. Is it because of Lanxin’s relationship with Yun Heng?” I wondered.

“Lanxin has repeatedly sent formal invitations. Refusing to meet would be—”

“I understand,” I said.

Li Yexuan smiled silently. Once inside this Xuan Prince’s Mansion, he seemed to have transformed into a calculating, shrewd prince.

It was clear Yun Heng sought to win Li Yexuan over through Lanxin, aiming to align him with the Second Prince’s faction. Li Yexuan was indeed a big catch; no matter who inherited the throne, he would remain the imperial uncle. Having his support would surely tip the scales.

From a distance, I watched Lanxin walking beside Yun Heng, Yun Rong trailing behind them.

They looked so well-matched, like a celestial couple. Yun Heng glanced at Lanxin with a gentle smile, warning her of the stones ahead. Lanxin smiled shyly in return, while Yun Rong laughed boisterously nearby.

At that moment, an immense sense of relief washed over me.

Yun Heng stood before me, clad in white, his warm smile like a breeze that softened my heart and those around me. He was happy—that was enough. The past was past. I would never begrudge Yun Heng in matters of the heart.

“You have me,” Li Yexuan suddenly pulled me close.

Usually, I would have pushed him away, but this time I didn’t. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Li Yexuan, having you is happiness enough.”

After nuzzling him briefly, I quickly escaped his embrace.

Li Yexuan reached to pull me back, but I pushed him away.

“Enough, someone’s coming,” he said, raising an eyebrow, and let it go.

Yun Heng seemed to have noticed our exchange, his expression briefly faltering before quickly recovering.

“See? You startled General Yun,” I teased.

“I’m not scary,” he retorted.

Li Yexuan and I spoke, unconcerned whether those approaching could hear.

“Lanxin greets Elder Brother and Sister-in-Law,” she said.

“Yun Heng greets the prince and madam,” replied Yun Heng.

“Yun Rong greets the prince and madam,” Yun Rong said, emphasizing ‘madam’ with sharp bitterness. She still hated me. I had to wonder if my life was a failure, but after much thought, found no answer.

“Today’s just a family gathering; please sit wherever you like,” I said.

I disliked the way Yun Rong looked at Li Yexuan, desperately squeezing close and offering him pastries. Yun Rong, oh Yun Rong, you truly have every reason to hate me.

“I’m planning a Hundred Flowers Banquet in a few days. I wonder if Imperial Sister-in-Law would grace us with her presence,” Lanxin asked me.

I smiled and shook my head. “You know I never liked crowds.”

“She insists on accompanying me; it wouldn’t be convenient otherwise,” Li Yexuan said, handing me a piece of my favorite snowflake cake. He always knew what I liked.

“Elder Brother, you’re too much. I just wanted to invite Auntie out to have fun. Poor Elder Brother is doomed,” Lanxin teased, and Li Yexuan let her.

He truly didn’t care what others said.

“Didn’t expect you and Mu Fan to be so close. The rumors about you not liking beauty are clearly false,” Yun Heng said, sipping tea. “This tea is good, but nowhere near as good as the one you brew.”

Li Yexuan’s expression remained unchanged, but I sensed a flicker of anger.

“That’s all past gossip,” I said evenly. “General Yun has quite a memory. I told the prince myself—he loves the tea I brew. So I made some. Mu Fan is but a humble woman; a husband is the sky. The prince is my sky. Naturally, this tea is for him. General Yun, don’t take offense. Perhaps I should teach Lanxin the art of brewing?”

My words were measured, and Li Yexuan must have been delighted to hear them. I had never openly admitted my feelings for him, especially not in front of so many, especially not before Yun Heng.

I detest unclear love triangles between men and women above all else. Yun Heng has someone; I have Li Yexuan. It’s best to be straightforward, avoiding jealousy and preserving harmony between two families.

“If Imperial Sister-in-Law is willing, that would be wonderful. I was just thinking of brewing tea for my husband,” Lanxin said.

“Princess, your kindness is appreciated,” Yun Heng said to Lanxin, more respectful than anything.

After this, Li Yexuan and Yun Heng retired to the study to discuss matters. I strolled through the garden with Lanxin and Yun Rong.

“Imperial Sister-in-Law, does Elder Brother care for you deeply?” Lanxin asked.

I patted her hand. “The General will be good to you, too.”

“How can you say that? Who’s been confusing my brother?” Yun Rong muttered quietly, though I could hear. Only Zi’er, a sensible maid, followed us.

“Rong’er, watch your words,” Lanxin hurried to pull her aside.

“I’m not wrong. She was just a maid I saved once. She used to follow my brother everywhere, then was mistreated by Auntie Qiao. Now, I don’t know what dirty tricks she’s used to win the Xuan Prince’s favor...” Yun Rong’s voice grew sharp.

“Who are you to slander my aunt?” A sudden voice interrupted. I turned to see a small figure running toward us.

It was Li Zheng. Li Yexuan had said he would come for dinner today but hadn’t expected him so early.

“You’re nothing but a bastard—”

“Yun Rong, enough,” Lanxin cut her off, then turned to Li Zheng. “Yun Rong didn’t mean it. Don’t mind her, Ah Zheng.”

“Auntie, what are you doing here? Why are you defending her?” Li Zheng asked.

At the mention of “Auntie,” Yun Rong took two steps back.

“Ah Zheng,” I grasped his hand gently. “It’s alright. They were only teasing Auntie. You’re a man; don’t mind the girls.”

They didn’t know that privately, Ah Zheng called Li Yexuan “Uncle” and me “Auntie.” Sometimes, we put aside our royal identities to be ordinary people.

I held Ah Zheng’s hand and addressed Yun Rong: “Miss Yun, this is the General’s residence—there is dignity here. Remember, misfortune comes from the mouth. Though I once served as a maid here, I owe no one any debts.”

Turning, I led Ah Zheng away, with Lanxin and Yun Rong following quickly. Seeing I took no offense, they relaxed.

At that moment, I thought mercy was the best policy, never guessing I had just sown a seed of calamity for myself.