120 How Can One Bear Such Feelings

I could not imagine whether Li Yexuan had used the power of the Tanghui Palace to erase something—something I could no longer uncover. The thought was terrifying.

As I left the Fantiang Pavilion, I instinctively glanced toward Baby’s room. With Dongfang Qingyu there, I felt reassured. The moment I learned that Li Yexuan was coming in person, I immediately gave orders that Baby was not to meet him. If Li Yexuan recognized him, how could he possibly spare us, mother and son? Even Zizhun’s and my identities might no longer remain safe.

If I could, I truly wished to hide from Baby for the rest of his life the fact that Li Yexuan was his biological father. If his own father had destroyed his mother’s family, then his very first meeting with her had been a mistake, and my union with Li Yexuan should never have happened. I was afraid my child would grow up in such an environment—or live his entire life burdened by guilt.

I had never actually set foot in the imperial palace of Yuehua Kingdom. This time, only Gu Teng and I went; I did not bring the Twelve Slaughterers or the Four Envoys. The imperial palace was a place of grave importance, and we were carrying the Tianshan Snow Lotus. Li Yexuan would never allow anything to happen to us. Even if he could bear to lose us, he certainly could not bear to lose the Tianshan Snow Lotus.

Since we could not ride horses to the palace, we had no choice but to take the Regent’s carriage. Fortunately, it was spacious enough. The three of us sat inside, staring at one another in awkward silence.

Gu Teng did nothing but hold the Tianshan Snow Lotus, while Li Yexuan sat with his eyes closed, resting. He had dark circles beneath his eyes; he truly seemed exhausted. As for me, I could not stop worrying about Li Zheng. What kind of illness could have forced Li Yexuan to come personally for such a rare and difficult-to-find medicine?

The guards at the palace gates did not stop the Regent’s carriage. We passed through without hindrance and soon arrived at the emperor’s sleeping quarters.

Gu Teng and I descended from the carriage and followed Li Yexuan inside without a word. I sensed an oppressive atmosphere throughout the palace. Could Li Zheng’s illness truly be that serious?

When I stepped through the doors of the emperor’s chamber, I saw Li Zheng lying on the bed. Compared with the last time I had seen him, he had grown considerably. At that moment, however, he was asleep—or perhaps unconscious. His face was pale, and his lips were tinged with purple. It was obvious that his illness could wait no longer.

Kong Yelin was still keeping watch at Li Zheng’s bedside.

“Greetings, Your Highness. Pavilion Master Fantian, and this is… a member of the Ancient Clan?” Kong Yelin looked at Gu Teng, a flicker of surprise passing through his eyes.

“I am now Ling Tian of the Fantiang Pavilion.”

“So you are Pavilion Master Ling Tian.”

“How is A-Zheng?” Li Yexuan’s gaze swept toward the figure on the bed.

“His condition is not good.”

“Your Highness, why not let Ling Tian examine him as well? We should hear his opinion on the medicine. Although his skills cannot compare with those of the Special Envoy, Ling Tian does understand a little about such things.”

“That will do.”

I took the Tianshan Snow Lotus from Gu Teng, and he went forward to examine Li Zheng.

“Five years ago, the Crown Prince attempted to assassinate A-Zheng. I saved him and used my inner force to force some of the poison out, but I could not expel it completely. It left behind a hidden danger.” As though he knew what I was wondering, Li Yexuan slowly explained.

“He was still young.”

Gu Teng soon came back.

“What do you think?”

“The poison has already reached his vital organs. The Tianshan Snow Lotus will certainly help, but it would be even better if it were combined with lingzhi.”

“There is lingzhi in the imperial palace.” Li Yexuan immediately ordered his men to retrieve some.

“Not ordinary lingzhi. We need young lingzhi.”

“Young lingzhi?”

“People know only of ordinary lingzhi, but very few have heard of young lingzhi. A single stalk of young lingzhi is as effective as three thousand-year-old lingzhi mushrooms.”

“Where can it be found? I will go and get it.”

I knew that it grew only in the desert of Gu Teng’s homeland. By the time he went there and returned, A-Zheng might not survive. I also knew that young lingzhi was one of the ingredients in the medicine I took every day—and that it made up a considerable portion of it.

“It can be found only in the desert.”

I took the jade vial from my person and handed it to Gu Teng.

“Pavilion Master, you cannot. This is what you need…”

“Take as much as you require. Just do not waste it.”

“But…”

“What is it? You no longer listen to me? Saving a life is what matters. Hurry and help the Special Envoy prepare the medicine.”

“Yes.”

Gu Teng’s fingers tightened around the jade vial.

We left the emperor’s chamber together. Gu Teng followed Kong Yelin to the Imperial Medical Bureau, while Li Yexuan and I wandered through Yuehua Kingdom.

“From Pavilion Master Ling Tian’s words, it seems that the medicine was something important to Pavilion Master Fantian…”

“Saving a life is worth more than building a seven-story pagoda. Besides, the Regent and the Emperor need only remember that they owe the Fantiang Pavilion a life.”

“Heh. You certainly do not give an inch.”

“The Fantiang Pavilion never conducts a losing business. With the Regent’s protection, the markets of Yuehua Kingdom should be willing to give us a little more room, should they not?”

In truth, I genuinely wanted to save A-Zheng. I could not stand by and watch him die. Besides, he had once called me Sister-in-law. I had merely been forced to find some feeble excuses to placate Li Yexuan.

Unexpectedly, as we walked, we encountered Lan Xin, who had come to visit A-Zheng.

At the last Maple Leaf Auction, I had not seen even a trace of Lan Xin. When I saw her this time, I failed to recognize her at first. Her hair was arranged in the high coiffure of a married woman, and the dark-blue palace robes she wore seemed to carry the weight of years. She was about the same age as I was, yet she now looked several years older.

Lan Xin’s mother and the Second Prince’s mother belonged to the same clan. Li Yexuan held the entire government of Yuehua Kingdom in his hands, and after A-Zheng succeeded to the throne, the Second Prince’s influence had been stripped away almost completely. Her life could hardly have been easy. Nor would Li Yexuan pay much attention to whether his younger sister was living well.

“Greetings, Imperial Brother. I came to see A-Zheng. And this is?”

“Pavilion Master Fantian.”

“I have long heard of Pavilion Master Fantian’s great reputation.”

“You are too kind, Princess.”

“A-Zheng is in the emperor’s chamber.”

“Then I shall take my leave.”

I noticed fear in Lan Xin’s eyes whenever she looked at Li Yexuan. She did not even dare meet his gaze directly. The siblings exchanged only a few brief words before parting.

Only then did I suddenly realize that Yun Heng had not accompanied Lan Xin.

Later, I asked Dongfang Qingyu to look into the matter. Only then did I learn that Lan Xin’s life over the past few years had indeed been miserable. The Second Prince had practically lived under Li Yexuan’s watchful eye, every movement observed. If he showed the slightest sign of coveting the throne, another storm of bloodshed might erupt.

At first, Yun Heng’s mother had treated Lan Xin very well. Later, because of the Second Prince, Lan Xin fell out of favor, and Yun Heng was stripped of his position as Grand General and demoted. The current Grand General of Yuehua Kingdom was someone Li Yexuan had personally cultivated.

Because of this, Yun Heng’s mother gradually came to resent Lan Xin. With no hope anywhere and still no child, Lan Xin would not have been able to survive in the Yun family if Li Yexuan had not occasionally looked after her.

It was said that Qiao Ruoqing had been thriving these past few years. Everyone knew that Yun Heng had one wife and one concubine, but Princess Lan Xin had not appeared in public for a long time. Whenever there was a banquet, Qiao Ruoqing attended in her place. After all, she had proved herself fertile and borne the general a child.

By rights, if the principal wife had no children, a concubine absolutely should not be permitted to bear one. But at that time, the imperial succession in Yuehua Kingdom had been unstable. Qiao Ruoqing had showered the Old Madam of the General’s Residence—Yun Heng’s mother—with flattering words and managed to keep the child. By the time anyone discovered the truth, the pregnancy was already far along. With the Old Madam shielding her and providing her with every comfort, Yun Heng said nothing either. To him, having another child was not a bad thing.

Lan Xin, however, had suffered. With no one in the imperial family having the time to concern themselves with her, she could only swallow her bitterness and endure in silence.

As if that were not enough, Qiao Ruoqing had then given birth to a son—the eldest son of the General’s Residence. The boy was only a little more than a year younger than my Baby, so he should be about four now.

“Could it be that Pavilion Master Fantian knows Lan Xin?” Perhaps I had been thinking too much. Li Yexuan had actually noticed that something was wrong.

“Princess Lan Xin does not look much like His Highness’s younger sister.”

I pretended to be deep in thought.

“Oh? Then whom does Pavilion Master Fantian think she resembles?”

“Perhaps your elder sister…”

My words made Li Yexuan’s brows draw together. For the sake of the greater picture, even if he wished to, he could not deceive Lan Xin forever.

“Pavilion Master Fantian, you resemble an old acquaintance of mine.”

Li Yexuan’s sudden remark made me pause.

“No wonder Your Highness wanted to see Fantian’s true face. May I ask who this person is?”

“My wife.”

What nonsense. I had never formally married him, nor had he formally taken me as his wife. Even after entering Prince Xuan’s residence, I had rarely gone out, let alone appeared before the world in the role of his princess consort. The only time Lan Xin and Yun Heng’s entire family had visited us had been on the day disaster struck. We had been together for only a few months, and conceiving a child had already been a coincidence. How could we be considered husband and wife?

“The woman from Maple Leaf City last time.” I was referring to Yun Rong.

“No. Five years ago, she jumped from a cliff in front of me and disappeared.”

“Please accept my condolences, Your Highness.”

“Fantian, tell me—why did she never come looking for me?”

“Perhaps she saw another woman by your side and decided she did not wish to interfere.”

“I have no interest in other women.”

“I never expected the dignified Regent to be so faithful—among three thousand waters, drinking from only one gourd. You have certainly given Fantian a new impression of you.”

“Pavilion Master Fantian has also asked this prince to cooperate more than once. For a woman to establish the Fantiang Pavilion is a rare feat in this world.”

“Indeed. Women can hold up half the sky. Your Highness must not underestimate a mere woman.”

“If she is anything like my wife, she may well possess abilities such as yours. If the two of you were ever to meet, you would surely be kindred spirits.”

I had the distinct feeling that Li Yexuan was trying to sound me out. Naturally we would be kindred spirits—she was me.

“Then Fantian shall look forward to it. I also wish Your Highness an early fulfillment of your heart’s desire.”

“Then I shall borrow your good wishes.”

It was not until evening that Gu Teng and Kong Yelin finished preparing the medicine. Without waiting for A-Zheng to awaken, I left with Gu Teng.

Today, I could not help asking myself why Li Yexuan had chosen Yun Rong. If Yun Rong had never existed back then, perhaps we would not have parted so decisively. I hated Yun Rong. I had hated her countless times, and yet you chose her.

Li Yexuan, how could you expect me to bear it?