128. Things Remain, People Have Changed

Seeing that Kong Yuelin was not suspicious, I let out a silent sigh of relief. He is a divine physician, and I was terrified that a single slip might reveal something amiss, leaving me unable to offer an explanation.

"You only know that you couldn't accept the truth that day and jumped off the cliff in grief and indignation; you have no idea how much Li Yexuan endured. When I arrived at Prince Xuan’s manor that day, Li Zheng was weeping bitterly. By the time I reached that cliff, I witnessed a scene I shall never forget for as long as I live."

"What did you say?" So, the events of that day had not truly ended; what else had happened?

"When I reached the cliff, Yun Heng had been run through with two swords, and Yun Rong with one. The others were the men they had brought, yet they lay as corpses all over the mountain. Yexuan was searching for you like a madman. I have known him for so many years, and I had never seen him look so wretched. I sent men to take Yun Heng and Yun Rong away, and I stayed with him to search the mountains for five days and nights, until he collapsed from exhaustion and I brought him back. He suffered from a high fever for over half a month. Once he regained consciousness, he insisted on killing Yun Heng and Yun Rong, but alas, Yun Heng held the tiger tally for half of the Yuehua Kingdom’s military forces. Yexuan was forced to take Yun Rong as his consort, yet he never returned to Prince Xuan’s manor again. When he did go out, he only stayed at Qiran Residence, forbidding anyone from disturbing him—save for a maid named Zi’er. He gave orders to kill anyone who dared intrude. Only later did I realize that this was the place where you had lived..."

"Yuelin, perhaps Li Yexuan cares for me as you say, but that is because I am Huangfu Zijun, not Mu Fan. Li Yexuan and Huangfu Zijun did indeed know each other in childhood; I only learned of this after I miraculously survived that year. But alas, at that time, I was Mu Fan. The Mu Fan of today died under Li Yexuan’s blade, on that very cliff..."

"Can you not forgive Yexuan?"

"You don’t understand. It is not a question of forgiveness..."

Even if I were to forgive Li Yexuan, I no longer had the lifespan to walk by his side. It was better not to give him hope than to let him rekindle it only to have it extinguished. Furthermore, there was a child between us—an unbreakable bond that was already by our side.

"Stay with him until he wakes, then give him another dose of this medicine. There are matters at the Tanghui Palace that require my attention, and it will allow him to rest better."

"Wait." After taking the medicine from Kong Yuelin, I retrieved a small lingzhi from my own jade bottle and gave it to him. "Take this, for any unforeseen needs."

"Very well, thank you."

Kong Yuelin departed. I sent A-Ling back to the Fantian Pavilion to inform the others, while I remained at the bedside to watch over Li Yexuan.

I drifted in and out of sleep, yet I dared not truly rest. I kept the candlelight burning, and as Li Yexuan’s fever slowly subsided, I finally felt a sense of relief.

"Zijun..." I heard a hazy voice and opened my eyes to see Li Yexuan looking at me.

"You’re awake. Is anything uncomfortable?"

He shook his head, looking quite weak. I hurried to help him sit up and fetched some water.

"Quickly, take this. Kong Yuelin was here earlier; he instructed that you must take a dose as soon as you woke up."

Li Yexuan was uncharacteristically docile, taking the medicine and drinking the water.

"Is it really you?"

"If I hadn't come to check on the Jinyu Workshop, you could have died here today and no one would have known." I tucked the quilt around him as I spoke.

"I thought I was dreaming, that you were by my side."

"Don't think too much of it. Kong Yuelin asked me to look after you because he was tied up with matters at the Tanghui Palace. Do not drink so much in the future."

I stifled a yawn.

"You stayed with me all night?"

"It’s nothing. I’ll go lie down on the daybed in the outer room. You should rest more; it will be dawn soon."

As I turned to leave, Li Yexuan caught my hand. "Stay."

"I have already been generous enough to remain here. Li Yexuan, do not push me further."

The hand behind me slowly let go, and I walked toward the daybed.

"Get some rest."

"Yes, you too."

Having barely slept the previous night, and now again, my already fragile body was on the verge of collapse. As soon as I touched the bed, I fell fast asleep.

When I awoke, I found a blanket draped over me. Looking around, I realized the bed was empty. Had Li Yexuan already left? I slowly folded the blanket and returned it to the bed, pacing the room. Finding no sign of him, I felt a wave of panic and disappointment.

"Did you truly just leave like this, without a word?" I muttered to myself, feeling as if I had committed some unforgivable sin.

Let him go. We were never meant to have any more connection. If I hadn't come to find him, he might have lived his whole life without knowing Huangfu Zijun was alive. In time, he would have forgotten me entirely and lived in peace.

I tidied the chaotic room, feeling as if I had returned to the years when I looked forward to a beautiful future here. Back then, I never imagined such a tragic entanglement with Li Yexuan.

No one can fully choose the path their life takes, nor can they know what wonders or torments lie at the next crossroads. Since having the baby, I have seen things more clearly, including the chasm of life and death that many cannot overcome. It is better to be indifferent. Before life and death, even the most powerful are merely human; one cannot reverse fate. Huangfu Zijun could survive the palace coup and build the Fantian Pavilion, but she is not omnipotent. I am human, not a god; why must I demand that I satisfy everyone’s expectations?

If Kong Yuelin views me this way, if he questions my actions or blames me for Li Yexuan’s plight, then I have nothing to say. There is no absolute right or wrong in love; we must all bear the responsibility for the mistakes we have made in the past. Indeed, things have changed; Kong Yuelin was once a friend to the Mu Fan I used to be, but now, we are strangers. This feeling of those around me drifting away hung in my heart like a weight, neither heavy nor light, just dangling there.

Shaking off these sentimental thoughts, I started to leave. It was just an old place; having seen it, that was enough. There was no need to stay. Lingering only invited sorrow; it was better to leave cleanly.

Just as I reached for the door, it creaked open.

"You’re awake." Li Yexuan stood there, carrying breakfast, which he placed on the table.

I remained where I was, staring at the man I thought had departed. He looked much better, his illness vanished, dressed in black robes that made him appear remarkably vibrant.

"Why are you standing there like a statue? Come and have breakfast." Seeing that I didn't speak, Li Yexuan walked over, took my hand, and led me to the table.

"The people at the Jinyu Workshop said these are your favorites. Eat a little; you worked hard last night." In my memory, Li Yexuan was never a gentle or talkative man. What was wrong with him today? Had he taken the wrong medicine?

"Thank you." I said nothing more and sat down to eat. Food is the fuel of life, and I hadn't rested well; eating was the right thing to do. I kept my head down, avoiding the gaze of the man across from me.

"Eat slowly, what’s the rush?" He reached out to wipe a grain of rice from the corner of my mouth.

"Now that you are awake, I believe I can leave." I set down my bowl and chopsticks, wiping my mouth myself.

"Why have you eaten so little..."

"Kong Yuelin asked me to look after you last night, so don't read too much into it. It is dawn now, and my son must be anxious after not seeing me for a night. I will not trouble you further, Your Highness."

"Don’t be like this..."

Before Li Yexuan could finish, the argument outside interrupted him.

"Young Master, my Prince is not receiving guests..."

"Young Master, please don’t do this..."

"Young Master..."

"Get out..."

It was the voices of Dongfang Qingyu and Uncle Jin.

Ignoring whatever Li Yexuan was saying, I pushed the door open and stepped out. Li Yexuan followed behind.

"Zijun..."

"Mother..."

"Sister..."

I saw Dongfang Qingyu walking in front, with Zijun behind him, holding the baby.

"Uncle Jin, it’s fine, you may go. What is going on?" I hurried forward, taking the tearful baby from Zijun’s arms.

"Waa..." The baby began to cry loudly, leaving us all at a loss.

"There, there, don't cry. Tell Mother what’s wrong, there, there..." I patted the baby’s back to soothe him.

"Did Mother not want me anymore? Did you run off alone again?"

"How could that be?"

"The child was worried about you; he didn't sleep all night." Dongfang Qingyu looked at me, his eyes filled with fury, though not directed at me.

"Yes, when Brother Dongfang came to find you this morning, the baby insisted I bring him along, saying if I didn't, he would come himself." Zijun said, glancing at Li Yexuan. I shot him a warning glare.

"It is my fault for letting you worry. It won't happen again."

"Mother..."

"Be good, baby. Uncle Li was sick, and Mother just came to check on him. You wouldn't want Uncle Li to be ill, would you?" I coaxed my son until he finally nodded.

"Then Mother must take me next time, otherwise I won't allow you to come."

"Alright."

Li Yexuan’s gaze remained fixed on the child, which sent a chill down my spine.

"Take the child inside for breakfast..."

"Li Yexuan, you bastard..."

Li Yexuan and Dongfang Qingyu spoke at the same time. Dongfang Qingyu threw a merciless punch, and Li Yexuan wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth before throwing one back.

The two men began to brawl. Zijun wanted to intervene but found no opening.

"That’s enough! Do you intend to behave like this in front of the child!"

My voice and the baby’s cries rang out simultaneously. The two men finally stopped, just as Kong Yuelin stepped into the Jinyu Workshop to witness the scene.