118 Innocent Words

Stepping out of the Tanghui Palace, I was exhausted. My body could no longer withstand such strain, and it seemed the medicinal potency within the jade vial was failing to sustain me. My legs gave way, but Dongfang Qingyu caught me by the waist.

"Zijun, are you alright?"

"Sister."

"Let's go back." I bit my lip, forcing my voice to sound as normal as possible.

"Very well."

Dongfang Qingyu helped me onto his horse and we galloped away. Fortunately, he had lied, claiming I was one of his subordinates helping him manage the Fantian Pavilion, which explained why I lacked martial arts skills. It was perfectly acceptable for him to bring me onto his horse. With that settled, I leaned into his chest and drifted off to sleep.

When I awoke, we were already at the Fantian Pavilion, and Dongfang Qingyu was carrying me in his arms. It was embarrassing to be seen by so many people; I had woken up at the worst possible moment.

"Qingyu, put me down." I tugged at his robe, signaling with my eyes that we were being watched.

"Are you sure you can manage?"

"I'm fine."

Once I was set on my feet, I walked into the main hall of the Fantian Pavilion. After resting on the road, I had recovered somewhat. I stood with my back to Zijun.

"Sister, I know I was wrong."

I remained silent while my younger brother continued to confess his errors.

"Zijun, Zijun already knows he was wrong."

"Qingyu, this is none of your business."

I turned to face Zijun. "You think you know where you went wrong, but you don't. From the day of the palace coup, when Father and Mother died before my eyes—which I kept you from seeing—you probably think that six years of hard training is enough to face anyone, don't you?"

"Sister, please don't be like this. I know I was wrong."

"Do you realize that the Huangfu family line is already withering? I am not blaming you for making a mistake; I am angry that you didn't protect yourself. If something happened to you, what would I do? What would happen to Mufeng? You had a clear chance to escape, yet you chose to duel with those people from Tanghui Palace. You speak of chivalry, but human life is what matters. Do you have any idea how difficult it was to keep you alive?"

"That’s enough, Zijun. He is still young; don't be so harsh." Dongfang Qingyu held me back as my anger flared.

"Young? He is sixteen! What is 'young' about that? Do you not know what I was doing when I was sixteen?"

"Sister..." Zijun was on the verge of tears.

"Zijun, go out first. Your sister is not in a good mood," Dongfang Qingyu urged.

"Sister..."

"Go. Reflect on this."

I rubbed my temples and sank into a chair.

"Why must you be so angry? In all the time I've known you, I have never heard you speak a harsh word to him."

"I am wondering if I have protected him too well."

"He is grown now. You should let him venture out on his own."

"Perhaps."

I removed my single-eye mask, peeled off the human-skin mask beneath it, and then put the eye mask back on. Dongfang Qingyu took the discarded mask from me and examined it.

"How did you think to wear this? You suspected all along that the master of Tanghui Palace was Li Yexuan, didn't you?"

"No. I was merely afraid of being recognized as a princess of a fallen kingdom. It is better to be prepared."

"You are truly something."

In truth, I suspected that there were other powers behind Li Yexuan. Five years ago, when I was at the Prince Xuan Manor, I never saw Shi Yan or Shi Mo. And then there was Migu—how many secrets did it truly hold? I hadn't asked five years ago, but that didn't mean I wasn't curious now.

Li Yexuan truly had tricks up his sleeve. I suddenly found him to be a stranger. For all the days and nights I shared a bed with him five years ago, we had each been harboring our own hidden agendas. I kept my identity from him, and he did the same to me. All that former tenderness was buried beneath unspeakable secrets. I suddenly felt a sense of desolation, as if my love had been in vain.

Love—that word was too heavy for both Li Yexuan and me. We both carried our own burdens on our shoulders. I feared that the only remaining connection between us was our child.

In the evening, Zijun came to sincerely admit his mistakes and reflect. I couldn't be bothered to lecture him further; I simply warned him that staying alive was the most important thing.

Handling the affairs of the Fantian Pavilion daily was tedious. Aside from pestering me to go see the ancient vines, the baby was always looking for ways to go out and play. I suppose being the only child in these mountains was incredibly boring. Finally, Dongfang Qingyu promised to take the two of us out for an excursion, and the child finally settled down.

They say children without fathers lack paternal love, but with Dongfang Qingyu as his godfather, my child lacked for nothing. Before we left, Dongfang Qingyu specifically fetched a small cloak to wrap around the child.

"Thank you, Godfather." As Dongfang Qingyu dressed him, the little one planted a slobbery kiss on his cheek, giggling. Seeing the bright, wet stain on Dongfang Qingyu’s face, I could only take out a handkerchief and hand it to him. I couldn't leave the house without plenty of handkerchiefs, could I?

"Good boy." Dongfang Qingyu scooped him up, and the little one was brought into the carriage. "Stay in the carriage with Mother; Godfather is going to ride his horse outside."

"Baby wants to ride a horse too." His little hands grabbed onto Dongfang Qingyu, his curiosity piqued.

"You're still too small to ride a horse, but you can protect Mother inside the carriage. If you don't want to, Godfather will have to find someone else..."

"Alright, Baby will do it." He scrambled into my arms.

"Be careful riding," I said.

"It's fine. You two can rest for a while."

"Alright."

Dongfang Qingyu left, and the carriage slowly pulled away from the Fantian Pavilion.

"Mother, is Godfather my real father?"

I hadn't realized it, but at five years old, the child fully understood the difference between a real father and a godfather.

"No, he isn't." I stroked his small head as he lay in the carriage with his head in my lap.

"Then who is my real father? Why doesn't he want Baby and Mother? On the island, all the other children have mothers and fathers, but I only have Godfather..."

The innocence of his words cut through me, leaving my heart aching.

"My dear, Father didn't reject you. He simply doesn't know you exist." I didn't want to spin a lie about his father being dead. He was young, but he had a right to the truth.

"Why doesn't Father know?"

"Because Father did something wrong, and Mother left him. Do you want to see your father very much?"

"I don't have a father. When I’m sick, or when Mother is sick, it’s always Godfather, the two uncles, Aunt Fu, or Aunt Ling. There is no father."

I pulled him into my arms, not knowing what to say. I wanted to cry, but not a single tear would fall.

"Promise Mother, if you ever meet your father, you will respect him, no matter if you like him or not."

"Alright. Mother, when will we reach the market Godfather talked about?"

"Soon."

When we arrived at the market, the child was overjoyed, having completely forgotten our conversation in the carriage. The mask of the Fantian Pavilion Master was too conspicuous, so I removed it and replaced it with the human-skin mask—a plain face that would blend into a crowd without causing a stir. Accompanying us were the envoys Xuanwu and Zhuque. Zijun was still in seclusion reflecting, and Guteng was still recovering from his injuries.

"Uncle Xuanwu, I want that, and that..."

"And that, and that..."

The two envoys were run ragged, while Dongfang Qingyu and I followed behind, watching.

"Who do you think this child is like? He’s like a bird out of a cage," Dongfang Qingyu pondered.

"No need to think. He’s like me."

Dongfang Qingyu looked me up and down, and his expression told me he didn't believe it.

"I was like that back then, always sneaking out of the palace. I hated the restrictive life there. Later, I would take Zijun with me to cause trouble, always making Father furious."

"I am curious about what you were like in the past. I rarely see you smile. You look so beautiful when you smile; even the mask cannot hide it."

"Godfather, Mother, what are you doing? Hurry up and catch up!" I felt Dongfang Qingyu stiffen, looking a bit awkward. He smiled and hurried after the child.

It was all in the past, wasn't it?

"Mother, do you want some?" The child handed me a candied hawthorn skewer. Upon closer inspection, I was startled. In his left hand were two candied hawthorn skewers; in his right were three candied dough figurines. There were bits of rock sugar on the corners of his mouth, and tucked into his little clothes were a box of rouge and a hair ornament.

Was this really my son? I didn't recall Li Yexuan being a flirt, so why was his son buying hair ornaments and rouge? I wanted to howl.

Never mind, he was my son after all.

"Can't you buy a little less?" Zhuque stood to the side, her hands full of unknown trinkets, while Xuanwu, who was busy paying for more, looked stiff.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. A little flirt," Dongfang Qingyu remarked. I shot him a sharp look, and he wisely shut his mouth.

"Mother, can we put these things in the carriage? There are too many, Baby can't hold them."

"Alright."

At the carriage, the little one directed Zhuque and Xuanwu to stow the items while he remained still.

"Mother, squat down."

"What is it?"

I squatted down, only to find the child standing on his tiptoes to place the hair ornament into my hair.

"Aunt Zhuque, look, doesn't Mother look beautiful wearing this?"

Once Zhuque agreed that I looked beautiful, he kissed me contentedly and shoved the rouge into my hands. "Mother, keep it, keep it. Baby will buy you more." With that, he grabbed Xuanwu and Zhuque and dived back into the crowd.

"Why is there nothing for me?" Dongfang Qingyu looked at me, feigning innocence.

"How about I give this to you?" I made a gesture as if to hand the rouge to Dongfang Qingyu.

"I don't use this sort of thing."

"Is my son thinking I don't dress up enough in my daily life?" I looked at Dongfang Qingyu, as if enlightened.

"Ask him yourself when you have a moment. I'm going to show my face. If there are gifts, how could there not be a share for his godfather? That little brat."

"Haha, Dongfang Qingyu, even you have moments where you're stumped."

Laughing, I followed after them, my eyes fixed on that small, bouncing figure full of life, chasing after every new sight.